It hasn't hit me.

I think there's seriously something wrong with me because I leave in less than 48 hours and it hasn't hit me yet. I feel completely normal, I have said my goodbyes to a few people and I feel alright. I havn't started packing yet so maybe that's why... I dunno. I have my suticases pulled out and ready to be packed but I just have to clean my room still and go from there, ugh. Don't think I'll get around to cleaning my car which sucks and I feel bad because I know my dad will go in it and be like WOWWWWWWWWW, but in reality I used to never keep my car dirty it was always clean,,,, "used to" ah.

I'm glad I got my shopping though like SOOOOO glad, especially happy about the jean part which wasn't a total fail and i didn't feel fat for once. Usually im in there looking for the right size for hours and going through jeans like no tomorrow but this time nope. Maybe itss the different make and style they have now because now a days its always changing. The jeans are a softer material and kinda stretchy but soooo comfy just the way I like it. I even got a size bigger because Im just a huge boy like that dont like my jeaans looking tight or girly, wow how lesbian.

Anyways back to the point about it not hitting me yet.... just WOWWWWWWWW, people are crying around me, the world is just changing and sooooooo upset and im like meh . Bitch move right? I'm sorry it just hasnt HIT ME!!! Tomorrow it def will saying my goodbyes to people i've been spending my last few weeks with. The last month or so infact has been crazy as shit but I loved every second of it. Being out all the time and just living it up, my last memories of 2011 in Toronto... well the warmness of it anyways. So much has happened but whenever I think about it I go blank. Pride this weekend was a blast spending it with my two favourite peopleeee and just having fun. Parties, minigolfing, dinners, all that good stuff like I couldn't have asked for better really. I'd honestly rather have a few close friends then a lot of friends who I barely chill with and its starting to be this way, just a few close friends.

I can't fucking believe it's already here, it feels like yesterday I was still applying for this in hopes to get accepted but secretly thinking I never would. Even that day I had to fight with the Toronto police and go all the way downtown to get a criminal record check which I'm still waiting for. Just all these things.... ahhhhhhhhhh Tomorrow is going to be the worst day ever. It hit me really bad right now like so bad but I know that's not going to be a portion of what tomorrow is going to be like. No makeup for Steph tomorrow! WHy am I such a crybaby wow. On wednesday I dont want anyone to come either. I am honestly just thinkingof cabbing it and paying the 30 bucks or whatever it will be and just have a cooloff moment at the airport and be cool about everything. If one person goes with me, my mom, my dad, andie, soph, ANYONE EVEN DEX MY CAT, I will not stop crying because I am just an emotional wreck. I'll get in, wait at the gates after checking in and just bawl my eyes out and people will stare like I'm an idiot.. P.S WHY DO I HAVE TEISTO ON MY BEARSHARE, wow anyways but yeaah I caan never hold it in but tomorrow is just going to be a disaster waiting to happen wow.

AHHHHHHHHHHH tomorrow is going to be such a bad but good day, I'm am so excited to leave but just these emotions and missing people will hard me the hardest anyone will ever feel it's not healthy. Fuck.